The Inspirationalist (I./XI.): The Nightmare

This is the first chapter of my book called The Inspirationalist (http://amzn.com/1447866576). I wrote this book as my dedication towards +Dodo Newman who inspired and motivated me in several times during my road. She taught me one very important thing, which was to not give up our beliefs in a positive solution. She taught me to keep up and to continuously believe in my aims. Thanks to Dodo I realized that I can always challenge the existing because we are able to improve things, to innovate.

I am lying on my bed. My body is still, the silence in the room stands still. Almost every intake of breath can be heard. You can almost hear as this stillness is crunched by the chilling of my breath. The air is almost on the verge to snap. This is not calmness anymore. I am scared. It is in the middle of the night, I am sleeping, dreaming and I am in a state of fear. This feeling pierces through my bones. Drops of sweat run through my body, I start to gasp and I keep on hearing those voices. Stronger and stronger. Voices that do not want to cease.
- Come down to Earth!
- Stop being a dreamer! Go and find a real job!

They are stronger every night, they penetrate always more aggressively in the secret corners of my mind.
- You will never get out of this!
- Why do you want to make a change? Just accept that the World is just as it is and accept your destiny – the voices keep saying.

These are voices that I know. Family members, so called friends and other supporting people around me. Are they really supporting me? Or do they just want to take away my aim? I often have doubts.
- Why would You be the One to reach it?

And then I hear them again, as my family turns against me. With hatred and pity in their voices.
- I am ashamed of you, you bring disgrace to us.
- You are a scumbag!
- It is time you live a normal life. Happiness is a privilege, do not look for it...

Maybe they are right? I almost always become uncertain. Perhaps I am carrying my family’s stigma? Maybe I will never find reconciliation?
- You are just like your mother; you will end up killing yourself.

Maddening thoughts are tormenting me, but I am fighting against them. In my dream I never back down because no one can take away my aims. These are my fears during my road. The negative voices, the forces that hold me back and that sometimes kill my motivations for a moment. But I will not give it up. Never. I am a fighter.

My heart is about to jump out of my chest, I can hear my heartbeat now, which beats faster and faster, I am in a distraction. And every night begins with the same end, I scream!

I scream as loud as I can, I am screaming for my aims!

The Inspirationalist book is available in International distribution.
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/1447866576
Official website: http://www.theinspirationalistmovie.com

+Dodo Newman 's website: http://www.inspirationaliste.com
Her FaceBook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalist