The Inspirationalist (VI./XI.): Closed Worlds

This is a chapter from my book called The Inspirationalist (http://amzn.com/1447866576). I wrote this book as my dedication towards +Dodo Newman who inspired and motivated me in several times during my road. She taught me one very important thing, which was to not give up our beliefs in a positive solution. She taught me to keep up and to continuously believe in my aims. Thanks to Dodo I realized that I can always challenge the existing because we are able to improve things, to innovate.

Me and my father returned after India for a few years to my native country, to Hungary. It was extremely weird for me. I entered into the very middle of communism, into a world, which was closed and controlled at the same time.

After a free and spiritual world, I felt the years spent here almost as if in prison. During the communism in Hungary even the freedom of thoughts was suppressed. It was a very oppressive world. People lived by stereotypes, patterns. Learning was bound to rules and communications were formal. It was not possible to talk about anything only about generally accepted themes. There were mandatory lessons, punishments in schools as well as continuous recitations. This was not playful learning any more, it was constrained and soldierly with restrictions.

I continuously felt that I did not belong to this place. Perhaps because of my behaviour or perhaps because I came from another, spiritual world. As a child it was here that I first experienced being outcast. These were extremely painful years.

I spoke more languages although I had difficulties with Hungarian. But to be honest I was not very motivated to speak with other people. They were jealous and malicious. They did not see the fantasy side of my travels and my world experiences but were envious because of their closed lives. They found me odd and outcast me, even the adults. I became the “dirty Indian girl”.

Perhaps this is how they calmed themselves because they never got to get anywhere and never travelled to any other part of the World.

Of course now I know the old joke:

A guy dies and goes down to Hell, where Lucifer takes him around. In Hell different nations are being boiled in different cauldrons. Each cauldron is under heavy security not letting anyone to escape with guards and weapons.

They get to the first big cauldron, there are people boiling in it and two devils with whips guarding at both sides of the cauldron.

- Who are these? - asks the guy.
The Russians. - is the answer -, they are forced back with a
whip if they try to escape.

They get to the second cauldron, there are people boiling in it. A big sign above the cauldron says: “Climbing out is forbidden!”. There is no guardian around.

- Who are these? - asks the guy.
- These are the Germans. An orderly nation if something is forbidden they do not try to brake the rules. They do not need guards.

Lucifer strides forward satisfied until he reaches the third cauldron. A big cauldron and there are people boiling in it. There are no guards, no sings, a cauldron without any kind of control.

- Who are these? - asks the guy.
- This one is the Hungarian one. They do not need guards nor signs. If anyone tries to  climb out the others will pull him or her back instantly.

I missed during these years the international environment, everyone was Hungarian around me and this was quite frustrating. I also missed the colours, the games, in Hungary everything was grey and sour.

It was a purely materialist world with no spirituality at all. The every days were all about materialism. It was extremely difficult, a very hard contrast and I loathed it. I was not prepared for this, I was astonished by what I experienced there. It is very different if someone is born into a culture and everything becomes regular and normal and it is another thing if someone lives between contrasts. It is not easy.

One day however my prayers were heard and finally we moved on. I thought anything will be better than this but soon I had to realize that I was wrong. From one bad to the other one...

What would have been a more cruel choice for a young teenager girl than Iran. A closed and repressive world. Well this is exactly where I was directed to. As a teenager right in the age when one is opening up, when our personality is formed, when we are changing and wanting to change, when we are rebels. This was the moment of my life when my consciousness began to wake up and the world where I was living encircled, closed and oppressed me. Iran is a country where people live behind walls. It is a wonderful country, but outside the walls there is a lot of hypocrisy.

We lived in a beautiful area but I was constrained between the walls. It was not like before, I could not just go out to take a walk if I wished to. Moreover if I went out I had to veil my hair and my body and had to observe the local rules, expectations.

I used to sit a lot in my own room and it was here that I began to fantasize. It was during these long periods of loneliness that I drew until it was dark and I created a sea of pastel drawings. I chose art as one of the forms for my self-expression.

My path from here was determined by art, which became my faith. I then wandered from Iran to the capital of art. I went to Italy where I learnt to become a fashion designer. I lived in Firenze and Rome. It was a real contrast of living experience between Iran and Europe, especially from the viewpoint of aesthetics.

I studied in Italy fashion design but this was also bounding for me, I missed freedom. I needed the artistic creativity. My aim was not heard and giving way to the pressure of my diplomat father I continued studying international politics. This was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I felt lonely and I was convinced that this whole path was aimless.

The Inspirationalist book is available in International distribution.
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/1447866576
Official website: http://www.theinspirationalistmovie.com

+Dodo Newman 's website: http://www.inspirationaliste.com
Her FaceBook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalist

The Inspirationalist (V./XI.): The Spiritual freedom

This is a chapter from my book called The Inspirationalist (http://amzn.com/1447866576). I wrote this book as my dedication towards +Dodo Newman who inspired and motivated me in several times during my road. She taught me one very important thing, which was to not give up our beliefs in a positive solution. She taught me to keep up and to continuously believe in my aims. Thanks to Dodo I realized that I can always challenge the existing because we are able to improve things, to innovate.

As a child I learned early that there are always problems and nothing is perfect. This is an elemental part of life. My father handled these things in his own ways, so if something happened we just left for another part of the World. This is how we did also when my mother left us. My father is a very good man who always tried to protect me and who undertook the role as a man of being my father and my mother at the same time.

He could not face the happenings either, so with the wind of change we moved to India. Perhaps it was far enough from Europe for us to try to forget.

When I was a child I felt apart from the World. Growing up as a white child in India I often dreamed by the seaside, I never really felt myself alone there. The most beautiful actor of my dreams was always the infinite Ocean. I would watch the huge waves for hours, smell the salty air or just gaze at the ships and boats disappearing on the horizon. The Ocean meant for me freedom and the eternal space for opportunities. Perhaps this is why I am traveling so much even today, to explore eternity, the new, to find what inspires me and by which I am able to inspire others as well. My Soul is eternal and free.

Whenever I feel just a bit sad, or I just want to hide for a while to a safe place from the everyday happenings, I just need to close my eyes and I am a child again. I am sitting beside the Ocean on the sand and the wind and the steamy, salty air blows through my hair. These thoughts, dreams help me always to forget as well as to fill me up with renewed energy, to give me stability. Most people have dreams, but many do not take steps toward them, sometimes I also feel it very difficult to reach them but I endure to the very end of the path. I know deep inside that if I would give up my dream, I would get lost and my Life would be purposeless. In moments of weakness I grab onto this picture of memory in my past and I know that nothing is impossible by riding the waves of the sea. There is always a new hope behind the horizon no matter how high those waves are.

As I always said India has a deep effect on the senses, it stirs up vibrating every single sense and it does it in a multiple and unimaginable way. The colours  enchant the eyes, the flavors and scents send us simply to another world. Even the air is colourful in India. The poorest person also wears colourful dresses, and even the food reflects colours as well.

In addition to all these India is the home of love. It is the world of intense feelings where passion is an element of the every days. What shows this even more is the fact that here even the food contains the strong passion. Spicy and hot flavours mix and each and every bite brings forth a new sensation in our taste buds. We just desire the new and to discover the unknown.

India was the place where I have also come to know the sense of freedom. I came away pretty far away from my native land but I believe this was one of the most important period of my life. I was happy and I flourished like a flower that has been transplanted from a dry and loamy earth to a fine soft soil.

Instead of having a mother I had an Indian nanny Linda. She was a real angel who told me many stories. I have to thank her that I came to know the real face of India. Linda took me everywhere with herself and so a wide, colourful and honest world unfolded in front of me, the real India.

I relived my stories with a hundredfold during every festival of Diwali. The Diwali is nothing else than the Festival of Lights, a very important holiday of Hinduism lasting for five days.  Diwali involves the lighting of small clay lamps filled with oil to signify the triumph of good over evil. During these days the game of the lights created a fairyland and I could stride on a magic carpet.

I know it is unbelievable for those born into the modern world but I grew up without TV, movies, electronics. The world of books and stories surrounded me each and every night and they took me to always a new land, where I could fly on the wings of the imagination.

My imagination developed with the help of books and stories: Every child needs a story!

There are no stories anymore. Most people have lost their belief. It is a materialistic world we are living in, where all people believe in is what they see, what others put in front of them and even then they have doubts about what is in front of them.

Fairy tales, legends, stories are for children...and even children have lost their interest in them. Fairy tales, stories made people create with their imagination and made them believe that there are wonders, magical places, people other than what they experienced in their every day lives. These gave them hope in another reality, in things they could change.

Scientists, philosophers, artists once all dreamed, imagined, believed and hoped. All inventions, great creations, big explorations, new ideas and findings came once from dreams and then became realities when their initiators, their inspirators, creators went on to realize them and not giving up, going through criticisms, struggles, disbeliefs all the obstacles that life can bring, they achieved what once were considered merely dreams today are considered normal, usual and part of our lives.

My dreams started with the Holi...In the last full moon day of every winter, usually in the beginning of Spring Holi is celebrated with coloured powder and coloured water that is thrown at each other.

I do not know who has had the opportunity to live through personally the magic of Holi, but for me this was when my strong attachment to colours, the strong colours came alive.

The powerful colours generate feelings. The eye can easily vibrate from a strong cyclamen-pink and can set off strong feelings.

Since I had the opportunity to be part of this fantastic cavalcade of colours, I always drew wherever we went. I can say that since then these powerful colours inspire me and they appear in everything that I touch. The colours that keep in me alive the magic of Holi. This inner wonder would have been long lost without them.

People are essentially  social beings and human relationships have important roles in our development and formation. There are communities all over the world where people live together and help each other. I had the chance to discover a world where the concept of community was coupled with an unlimited openness.

I saw lots of things from the poorest children of the streets up to the most marvelous palaces.

India is an unbelievably rich country. There is something new to be discovered almost in every corner.

I also saw poverty first in India. As a child it was never strange for me to see poor children on the streets. I was even more astonished when later during my further stages of my life most people associated poverty with dirt and lack of hygiene.

Poverty is not a good thing but as a child I understood and accepted it easily. I played the same with the local children without any prejudice.

As a child I learned to live without any ties, freely. We lived in a house circled by a park but I always looked for the company of the local children. We used to play a lot with animals, I rode on elephants, I chased monkeys or we were just running away from some snakes.

I always believed every person is as open and tolerant as I got to know them in India until life uprooted me from this wonderful world...

The Cobra appeared in front of me in India, which became later an important and determining role in my life. In contrast to the Western civilization, in India the Cobra does not have a negative meaning but represents a symbol of wisdom.

The Inspirationalist book is available in International distribution.
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/1447866576
Official website: http://www.theinspirationalistmovie.com

+Dodo Newman 's website: http://www.inspirationaliste.com
Her FaceBook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalist

The Inspirationalist (IV./XI.): Childhood

This is a chapter from my book called The Inspirationalist (http://amzn.com/1447866576). I wrote this book as my dedication towards +Dodo Newman who inspired and motivated me in several times during my road. She taught me one very important thing, which was to not give up our beliefs in a positive solution. She taught me to keep up and to continuously believe in my aims. Thanks to Dodo I realized that I can always challenge the existing because we are able to improve things, to innovate.

I could never say that I grew up in a steady family. I still keep to this day the pain of my childhood, its stigma will accompany me perhaps forever on my path.
Elemental parts of my nightmares.

From the moment of our birth, already as small children we look for the stability around us. We cry out because we got mixed up in an unknown world, but embracing arms soothe us immediately. It is love that crosses our heart and that assures us that we are in a good place. The maternal instinct usually is aimed at the child, it is the child who is protected and shielded.

The parents have a role to support in the best way and to help their children’s growth. Success does not come by itself and not everyone has opportunities falling into their lap. Parents have done their best in this world if their children achieve more than they themselves have, and when they have passed over all their knowledge to their children and have freed and unclosed their thinking to find and add their own creativity.

Parental responsibility here or there, my childhood was full of sufferings. My mother’s continuous attempts of suicide condemned my childhood. My mother was quite selfish, life had to be only about her and her problems.  

It is difficult to be a child having your mother cutting her own veins next to you while you are playing and crying because you are helpless. Your only hope is to cry loud enough to have someone hear it and hurry to help you.

I think already in my childhood my task was to look after my mother, that is to always save her with with my crying. It was a weird relationship and at the same time an abhorrent break of the spirit. I had to stand up and live from here. I was around two when she left us, only a few can really know this pain.

A child always needs a secure point during travels and change. And the most secure point for a child is the family. We were a truncated and sad family. Probably this was the first big lesson I learned from life, a bloody and cold experience, a slap from life, which flung me immediately down. Knock Out.

The Inspirationalist book is available in International distribution.
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/1447866576
Official website: http://www.theinspirationalistmovie.com

+Dodo Newman 's website: http://www.inspirationaliste.com
Her FaceBook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalist

The Inspirationalist (III./XI.): The Ocean

This is a chapter from my book called The Inspirationalist (http://amzn.com/1447866576). I wrote this book as my dedication towards +Dodo Newman who inspired and motivated me in several times during my road. She taught me one very important thing, which was to not give up our beliefs in a positive solution. She taught me to keep up and to continuously believe in my aims. Thanks to Dodo I realized that I can always challenge the existing because we are able to improve things, to innovate.

We are only tiny drops in the vast ocean of life. We are either driven by the current or we are holding on to one or more chosen, stabile spot. Most of us settle down, but there are a few of us who feel ourselves well on the back of the waves. We are wanderers, peculiar wanderers of freedom.

We come to know various cultures, mentalities during our travels in far away lands. It does not matter whether it is summer or winter, cold or hot, the only thing that matters is the new and the unknown, the possibility of hope to reach our aims. Thousand miles away from home we are all looking for the same. A World, a place where can be who we want to be, a place for our inner freedom and for our self-realization.

This is a difficult and exhausting path for every living being, a track where sometimes we have to swim against the flow of the flood. Sometimes we take a step back, we yield a bit, to then set off to the unknown, the land of our hopes with renewed strength and energy.

It is often a straining path, now and then all of a sudden the swirls take us with themselves and we swim with the flood, with the multitude of happenings. With due persistence our inner compass always shows us the right direction. Even when everything seems to be lost our deepest part of Soul knows the right way. We are wanderers, lovers of real life. We are peculiar people, at times extremes, crazy-like figures but most of all free.

It is easy to spot the particular, the special and the exotic in such a life, as it is mine. I also have traveled for decades to find who really I am and I have learned, let life to shape and form me. I have traveled the roads of Life.

The many travels are seldom equal with freedom and do not always carry happiness within. It is the freedom of will, to be able to do what we really want to do and to gain or achieve the opportunity to do all this is what makes us really happy.

If someone is traveling by free will it can be a wonderful journey, but mine was not by choice. It is magical to live in so many different places, but there is so much more behind this. It is difficult to perceive and understand the real, the harsh side of it.

Every new travel began with a multitude of fear and unexplainable pain. I always had that inner feeling of continuous change and leaving behind things and people, breaking away from things I knew. After a while this thought, sense of loosing people, places you got to know becomes part of your whole self and it circles your heart in the form of a sort of fastened chain. With time all these emotions, thoughts like a dark veil fall upon you and if you are not careful enough slowly you start seeing everything in grey, even the colours.

You will never truly belong to these places even though you are living in them. You can sink into the present culture, the way of life and the city that soaks you up shows you its real face.

As a child it is often much more difficult to go through certain experiences, since you cannot really understand, grasp why places, people, schools you go to are so different. A child thinks without barriers, in a free way and has no idea why there is diversity, cultural bridges, and gaps.

Nobody chooses where and to whom they are born to. Some are lucky and others are not. You can't change your birth, your origins, but you can't even refer to it, and it cannot be anyone's excuse. We are all born free and it is only upon us how and if we really want to shape our life.

Perhaps this is life's biggest challenge, to bring out the most of good that serves our happiness within the present existing conditions. Not pointing out fingers to this and that and looking for excuses, but standing up and fighting even if life reserves only slaps for us in the beginning. It all depends on how long and how many times you can stand up from these slaps in the face, and after a while these slaps and the pain will ease and will just become memories, forming part of our Story.

We are the ones who form and shape our own life and not others. Free will and the right for happiness is a basic right and element of existence of each and every Person on Earth independently of the conditions, environment of their living.

This is what I have learned during my travels, my wanderings, my search and this is what has become the basic element of every little cell in me...

The Inspirationalist book is available in International distribution.
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/1447866576
Official website: http://www.theinspirationalistmovie.com

+Dodo Newman 's website: http://www.inspirationaliste.com
Her FaceBook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalist