Everything begins from stress

from the book "NO EXCUSE! in business"

It was only 18:45. I was early again, but it was perfectly fine for me. I always preferred to arrive a few minutes earlier to collect my thoughts and to get some inspiration from the atmosphere.


My dinner with John who is a very kind partner of mine was set up already two months before. He is the typical entrepreneur type of person who has built up his own company more than twenty years ago. I know him since many years. I used to consult a lot of companies from the small and medium businesses sector and I always enjoyed John’s business. We have a very similar taste for whisky and cigars and I was sure that today would be a great night, when we can enjoy two big fat cuban ambassadors after our dinner.

I barely sat down when John appeared in the main door of the restaurant. He was a very tall man, with a height of almost two meters and he always wore the nicest suits I have ever seen. John always stated that we have to dress up for our businesses. I never liked to wear a tie, however I have to admit he has right. There are a lot of people who believe in casual dress, which is the new trend however based on my own experience, clients still respect you more if you dress up as a professional because you are the mirror of your company. So for John it was a badge of honor to wear his custom tailored suits, which gave him the feeling of the “power of influence” on people.

When he noticed me he welcomed me well in advance.

- Hello Zsolt - he shouted towards me from two tables distance - How are you?

I stood up and replied to him:

- Very well John, very well. I am glad you are here. How are you?
- I am fine, fine.
- Please have a seat. - I invited him to the table.

As we sat down I noticed that he is not in the perfect state. I saw that he is sweating and his veins are swollen in his forehead. He was really glowing from the stress.

- Is everything fine in business? - I asked him.
- Just the usual...
- Usually good?

From the way how he looked at me at this point I immediately knew that I made a big mistake. I opened the pipe for complains.

Few years ago I noticed that in the modern society it is usual to complain. I searched a lot for the reason and the source why we are not satisfied with our life. Finally I realized it. After I discovered the source of complaining my personal and business life started to improve. I got the chance to develop myself. It was really incredible because I realized that complaining is one of the very first thing what we learn as infants.

It is incredible how many business and life-coaching trainings are available, such as courses about improving your efficiency, your business performance, or lectures about how you can be more balanced and happier in your personal life. This is why it was really strange that we can not really read about the source of complaining. Somehow people do not really talk about this. However complaining is all around us and I believe that the key to be happier is to understand every little step of the road, which leads us towards our happiness.

Believe it or not complaining was among the very first things we have learnt as infants. This was a very easy method, which kept us alive.

People usually do things with reasons. Therefore you can also always find a reason why we are where we are in our business and/or our personal aims. Life is a big learning cycle where we all have the possibility to learn and to improve our skills. However as infants we made a huge mistake in our life. We misinterpreted some of the gestures, which started to influence our whole life.

As infants we learnt fast that if we are hungry then the only thing to do is to cry and our mother will run to us and feed us. We easily drew a lesson that crying equals with food. It was a very easy and clear message for us.

However we also learnt that when we are in pain, we can also use crying as a tool and our mother will run again to us, pick us up in her caring and loving arms to rock us to sleep. Now this was a perfectly new thing, which meant that crying equals with care and love.

Our infantile brain put the picture together very fast and the result was simple: crying equals with love, care, food. Therefore crying became our Jolly Joker card. By time we noticed and understood that we are able to reach the unconditional attention of our parents simply by crying. And let’s face it, this worked very well.

However what helped our survival in our very first years was a “virus”, which infected our future. This was a “virus”, which made us addictive and this still proliferates deep in our body.

So we mixed up the attention with love as the purpose of our own survival. But the two thing are definitely not the same. This is the reason why many of us have never experienced real, true and unconditional love. Once I heard in a conference that we are living in an “ego life”. The term ego life seems to be true because many of us love other people around us for what they can do for us, and not for the fact who they really are.

So then why are we complaining?
Because we want attention!

People usually speak about their problems because they want attention. Attention, audition, understanding and absolution that everything will be fine and they did not do anything wrong. However if we agree with the Law of Attraction, namely the name given to the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results, then we can easily state that by complaining we will attract only crap around us. When we are complaining then our brain and our spirit is focusing with full energy on the negative stuff, so let’s put a bet on what life will bring us...

I can clearly state that there is nothing wrong with being afraid. In every situation when something happens differently from our plans we can easily loose our faith and we can go into hesitation. Even if it is hard to acknowledge for us during those times we all have fear in our heart. We are all afraid from sudden changes, the new things and from the unknown. It is a natural human reaction. However it is not natural to focus on the problems instead of their potential solutions. When we were infants we had no other choice in our hands, but now as grownups  the decision is in our hands and it is only ours.

But tonight there was no way back, I gave John the chance to complain and he took it. So I was a good friend and I started to prepare myself for an emotionally intense conversation.

Paperback:  229 pages
Publisher:   Lulu
ISBN:  978-1-300-52746-6
Language:  English

Get one NOW: http://amzn.com/1300527463